Employment Opportunity at ULB

Senior Professor, Whattsa Matter Physics

University of Lake Berryessa

-ULB map

The Department of Genetic Physics and the Berryessa Underground Research Program in Action (BURPA) at the University of Lake Berryessa (ULB) are seeking to fill a tenure-track faculty position in experimental condensed matter physics with a specialty in the burgeoning new field of whattsa matter physics related to genetic research in the area of Molecular Microgenetics: Modification and Management Science (MM:M&MS)). The successful candidate is expected to build an active research program around the synthesis of novel materials using advanced cellular growth and epitaxial deposition techniques including epigenetic volumetric crocheting.

The incumbent will also be a key member of the DABURPA consortium formed between the Defense Advanced Projects Agency (DARPA) and the Berryessa Underground Research Program in Action (BURPA) to be designated DABURPA (with apologies to Chicago’s DABEARS superfans.)

The Department of Genetic Physics at ULB is a vibrant community with a long tradition and strong commitment to excellence in research, service, teaching, fishing, and boating, specializing in state-of-the-art jet ski racing dynamics. Research interests within the Department span the traditional disciplines of physics – condensed matter physics, biophysics, whattsamatter physics and non-linear dynamics of game fishing.

The successful candidate is expected to have the required experience and a strong desire for engaging in interdisciplinary work in our extensive laboratory facilities deep below Big Island in the center of Lake Berryessa. An ICON A5 amphibious light-sport airplane will be provided for convenient commuting to the lake surface, bypassing annoying bicycle and motorcycle traffic.

ULB is an affirmative action/equal opportunity employer and, in keeping with our commitment, welcomes all to apply including alien and inter-dimensional academics.

Ph.D. in the Whattsa Matter physics or related fields; post-doctoral experience and a strong record of publications. Applicants should show promise of initiating and sustaining creative research in the face of overwhelming derision and of obtaining external funding through multi-level marketing of newly designed genetic creatures.

 

pKilkus@gmail.com                       © Peter Kilkus 2018